No Soapy Scenes, right?
by prolixius5
Summary: Tissue Warning! A series of short texts dedicated to moving, sad, harrowing, dramatic moments... Thanks so much for all the precious R&R I got so far. Rated because of some cursing here and there.
1. Love hurts

_**Sometimes, there are precious moments when no words can explain what they go through, tho we know so much is going on within their heart & soul. This is one of these instants in time when all kinds of feelings are mixed and hard to cope with (and I admit, I sometimes look for a tissue in my immediate surroundings). Thanks for reading and especially for your review. It's always a strong incentive to go on.**_

_**I'll try to make these in forms of drabbles or double drabbles, if I manage. **_

_**I can't wait to read what you think of these. I'll post more as they pop in my head... With warm regards, Lyxie.**_

_**This first one is related to ep. "Gillian".**_

* * *

**Just Love**

Damn, it hurts!

Like my heart had been ripped from my chest.

I feel so empty.

Alone.

Betrayed.

The pain is never gonna disappear.

How could you do this to me? Why did you get here first? Why does it have to be _YOU_ to destroy everything. I thought I could trust you. I thought you were my friend. You traitor!

I can never survive this. I don't wanna hear any more of this.

I hate you!

I want you to feel exactly how I feel right now. That's why I hit you. And it's not even enough for what you've just done to me.

I should hit you hard, again and again, until you're hurt bad too. Until you understand you ruined my life. My love. My hope.

I'm lost.

Why do you even try to comfort me now? Why do you put your hands on my shoulders? Why do you try to hold me in your arms?... Where I feel... safe...?

Oh man, please, hold me tight. Close to you. To your heart. Where my life will find meaning again. Where I know I can survive all this.

I'm sorry I hit you, Starsk.

I love you, Buddy.

*-*-*-*-*-*


	2. Velvet heart

**Velvet heart in iron glove**

_Sorry, I'm like Blondie, I used to hate Xmas. But sometimes you have to bow... And I could almost hear Starsk saying: "Have faith, my son!"._

_Thanks for R&R... I love those vitamins, ya know :-)_

* * *

How comes _**he**_ was the one trying to be charming with her and _**I**_ am the one to be stuck with her here?

No, I'm being unfair. She is... sweet. Actually, she is great! One of these special beings that almost nothing can destroy, even when date plays bad tricks. She looked to us as if to say _Hey, they won't get me, ya know, I'm still alive and kicking._

Life sucks!!

Death hit the streets lately and took away the one man caring for her.

And now I should surround her with reassurance, security, comfort, love.

I couldn't help but smile when I saw the other guy displaying his complete series of charms and she was digging it. Yeah, a real ladies' man, as we know him. All smiles. Full of jokes. Mister Big Seducer himself!

Then I felt like I had already adopted her. She had her place in my space, like she belonged.

Yet, there she is now, lying so close in the other room and crying her heart out. I wish there was something special I could do to soothe her pain. My fear to intrude paralyzes me. My heart aches like never before.

Look at me! I feel so helpless. I should take her in my arms. Hug her. Tell her she is rare and unique. I'm just lying here on the couch, with my heart crushed and my ego upside down.

I hear her only a few steps away, her tears are burning in my eyes. But I bet she wanna be left alone right now. Too proud to show she's hurt. Badly.

This is one of those moments I wish she was part of my life for real and I had the power to cure.

This is the 52th week of the year and I've been caught for real in a non phoney wave of euphoric sentimentalism.

Hang on, Pete, you're not alone anymore.

* * *

**Fin.**


	3. Midnight Cuddle

**Midnight cuddle**

_Relates to episode "Starsky's Lady"_

* * *

God, help me, I don't wanna open this.

He is just a sigh away from me, sitting on the floor. The distance between us is so short I could almost touch him, put a hand on his arm, let him feel the warmth of my presence. But I can't move.

He gives me the parcel. Both of us are sitting still, staring at our presents, unable to accept the fact that this moment will confirm she is gone. Unable to speak the words which would hurt like hell, no matter what we say. Because this time, no word can soothe the pain, ever. He is playing it brave, but I can see the tears in his eyes, I can feel the pain in his heart, I can hear the cry in his soul.

I wish that clock had never reached midnight. I wish time had stopped before the bullet hit her, shattering her life and his love.

…

_I'll show you_. Starsk, don't you pretend to be brave, not with me, Buddy.

He opens his gift. Reads the title of the little book. Smiles. Cries. Almost.

Gee, now it's my turn. What's in there? I'm afraid. For him. For the pain he is gonna feel again. No matter what I do, it's gonna be hard on us.

…

I now hold Ollie in my hand. She is so soft, life the memory of a sweet gone caress. There it is... the shock... when he sees her. Oh my God, I need to go through with it all. I need to read the note.

I need to read it aloud, to him, to me, to make the words alive, as if she were here.

"_Dearest Hutch..._" I'm shivering inside, "..._to you I entrust..._" I need air, I'm not sure I'll be up to it "..._Ollie and Dave.._." Please Starsk, hang on, be brave, there is more, "..._please love them both..._" I want to cry, to show her she was right to entrust me with him, I swear I will, I have always loved the man and I will for ever, "..._and don't let either of them change._" if I ever had to make a promise, I'll make this one to you, dearest Terry.

How can I hold back the tears, while my best friend is on the verge to open the gates of sorrow?

Please Buddy, if you need to collapse now, do it, I'll be right here to catch you in my arms and hold you tight. This instant is more than a painful treasure, a gift, it's our bond, made even stronger, for I will always be there for you.

I could remain here, on the floor for all eternity, until you catch your breath, until I'm sure you'll make it, until you are safe again.

Shall we share the tears, my friend? Pain is easier to cope when shared with your best buddy, huh? I'm right here, Starsk... and so is she.

***


	4. Roses too late

**Roses... too late**

_Relates to episode "Starsky's Lady", the very last seconds together..._

_Thanks to Janet and the Sheriff for their reviews... and to all the others I already thanked via FFN... You know it's precious to me._

* * *

Don't leave me, my love.

Take my hand.

I'm right here... unable to try and figure out how I'm gonna make it without you.

My life made a sense with you in it.

With your smile to brighten my days.

With your warmth to embrace my heart.

I had plans for us, ya know.

I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.

I wanted to have kids with you.

I wanted...

...

I can't breathe.

I never told you all of this before, except I wanted to marry you.

You smile at me. I try to put that million-dollar smile on my face.

Don't go, my love, not now.

I'm not ready for this.

I refuse to believe this is happening.

I love you.

Don't close you eyes just yet.

I need you, Terry.

Please, God, no... not now...

One...

More...

T-...


	5. No Better Place

**No Better Place**

/One of the scenes I love most, when no word is said, yet all is said between them. (relates to episode ACFS)/

* * *

_There's no better place I would have chosen than here. In your arms._

Here I am, on the ground, my body is dying, my dreams have been shattered.

But my soul is relieved. I'm at the right place and I will give you my last breath.

Don't be sorry, Blondie, just hold me and give me that warmth of yours, one last time.

Let me get a good grip at you, so death will have a hard time dragging me into darkness.

I won't feel the pain if you're close to me. I'll feel safe... Because you are near me.

***


	6. Fatal

**Fatal**

You sure have a way to pick them up, you big lummox! Why don't you give your heart a rest for a while, huh?

Vanessa surely drew a big burning scar across your soul with that divorce. I've known you too long no to notice you're still hurt and you're afraid to seriously commit again.

I thought Jeannie was not such a good idea but at least, during all the good times you shared together, you looked like you were floating 3 feet above the ground with your head in the clouds. She was a gorgeous piece of chick but, hey, you played in someone else's playground! The day I found you staggering in that alley, I felt my heart crying like never before, because I could feel in my own veins the burning sensation of the needle. All I could do was staying at your side, hold you close to me and try to give you some of my warmth to heal your frozen soul.

Gillian was no better luck in your love lottery, although the way she had chosen you above a comfortable life, I kinda considered her a lady.

But this time, Buddy! Look at you!! This is the last draw... your blood... on my shoulder. Why don't you be more careful and refrain from bleeding on me? Hey Blondie, I hold you, hang on, you've got nothing to fear anymore!

She's been taken away from you, with her knife, her foul gifts and all her madness.

Don't you dare loosing it here, don't you quit on me and lie down now, not on my watch!

C'mon, let's get you back inside. We're dripping water and blood all over the place. Let's get your shivering body into something dry, your bleeding arm into some bandage and your broken heart in some love I've spared for you.


	7. Final Mission

**Final mission**

drabble, relates to episode "Black and Blue". I just love that scene between the old lady and Starsky, so full of emotion and tenderness.

* * *

_He would have been a wonderful nephew or grandson. With all his charm and seducing smile. He cares so much that you can see the love shining on his skin, in his eyes, from his hands._

_I wish I could remain with him a little longer. Maybe God sent this angel to show me the way to strength. So I can give it back to this young man. Farewell, handsome._

_May I have a goodbye kiss? Your friend is gonna be all right. I promise._

_Let's say reaching the end of the road gave me one last gift: reassuring you._


	8. First Door on the Right

**First door on the right**

She is the most radiant woman I've ever met. Her face is full of love and compassion and calmness. One look from her and I feel like a debutante. No wonder every guy around – I mean every guy who cares – should fall for such an extraordinary human being. I told her about my life. She is only interested in the most simplistic pleasures of life and healthy diets.

Why does timing suck that way? We should have met in another lifetime, if only timing could be rephrased and timeline compressed... somehow.

I can feel the warmth of her hand on my skin. I can smell her gentleness when I put a shy kiss on her cheek. I can hear her laughter in the corridor as she claims to be hard to resist. I feel like taking her in my arms and dance, right here, right now.

I think I'm love.

_- What's the matter with her?_

_- Terminal cancer._

_- Does she know that?_

_- Sure._

My heart will never feel the same again; all because of those few moments of comfort SHE offered ME.


	9. White Knight

**White Knight**

They both know it's a no-win situation.

One of them is hurt, badly.

The other one is cheating, boldly.

There is hardly complicity between them. Only the feeling that death is gonna take one of them... soon...

They observe each other, in silence.

In a short while, one of them will be free.

But fate has not decided which one yet. It's too soon. Right now, all they share is blood, flowing from one open wound onto healing hands. That's all they will ever share. Pain. The kind of pain that can chew through your flesh and reach your soul. The kind of pain that is left in your heart when duty is accomplished.

...

He wishes he were not the one to inflict the last wave of pain. He wishes to relieve it.

But at the corner of his eyes, he feels the presence of the one who's gonna deal the death blow. Why does it have to be like this? Why did he have to pretend to be a healer, as he knew he would be the executioner? Without a trial. Without a sentence. And how could it be different? The man already dying in front of him signed his own warrant.

But sometimes, it would feel good to be the last minute rescuing Knight and save them all.


	10. Captain Dobey, you're alive

**Capt Dobey...you're pretty much alive**

_(response to a drabble challenge, posted on another site). Thanks for reading and reviewing :-). Lyxie_

**

* * *

**

For the first time in a long while, perhaps in all my life, I've never felt so blessed to look ridiculous. Standing here on all fours, like a kid, with a stupid Indian feather crown on my head, and my balance not so sure. Look at me, giving some scholarly speech about duty, dignity and all that crap.

I won't show it.

I can't admit it out loud.

What the hell! If I'm here, enjoying this extraordinary simple moment with my family, I owe it to the two men who, right now, are staring at my butt!

I owe them!!


	11. Blue eyes vs

**Blue Eyes vs...**

This drabble was written for a challenge. Thanks for reading and please, a little review would be more than welcome :-)

(relates to "The Fix")

-*-*-*-*-*-

I know it hurts, Buddy

_I need you so bad!_

Hold on to me, I found ya

_Feels cozy on your lap_

What have they done to you?

_I ran through hell to find you_

I swear they'll never touch you again

_I can't even close my eyes and sleep_

Don't you quit here, ever!

_I'm cold, despite your warmth_

Let go now, shiver and cry if you need to

_In case I don't make it, let me look at you on more time_

You're gonna make it... Let me get you straight

_Blue eyes!_

Bloodshot eyes!!

_I'm safe now..._


	12. Game of balls

**Game of balls**

Maybe I should not have accepted this.

Ping!

I kinda feel I'm gonna loose this challenge.

Pong!

I don't remember the color, they choose for our squad room.

Ping!

Was it red?

Pong!

And what's that you said to Dobey before leaving the room?

Point!!

Some silly remark probably.

Game!!!

I lost that game.

Did I really lose? Did I hear you gloat?

Door.

Okay, you won a meal and the right to choose where we're gonna celebrate and take your time, please, to reach for those damn keys.

Bumper.

I hear the echoes of those last balls I lost. They explode in my back as I try to keep track of the bumper.

You lost this game.

And your silence make it harder to hear the echoes of the balls on the table, of the bullets in your body, of the line going flat, of my heartbeat going dead. Because I swear I'll end the game here and now if you do. No winner, no loser. Just life.

This game requires two players, remember? You and me. Me and thee, together, running for life... or death... as you wish. Where ever you go, I'll follow.

I dropped the ball and ran to you. You gave up and ran to...

No way, Buddy! This game is not over yet! It takes some more balls to finish this.

I have a new challenge for you, partner.

You fight, I run.

You breathe, I live.

The line'd better not be flat when I rush through those doors!!


	13. My Last Breath

**My last breath**

_(relates to ep. Paradise Island)_

_*.* __*.* __*.* __*.* __*.* __*.* __*.* _

_I swear I don't wanna hit you. Do you hear that? _

_And you don't wanna kill me. _

_I feel the warmth of your body close to mine. I can feel your pounding heartbeat through your fingers on my shivering skin. _

_I can't breathe. _

_I see that murderous look in your eyes, that look I've never seen before, like you don't know me anymore. _

_Please come back to me, babe. Don't pull us into this nightmare. _

_Don't put an end to us, to trust, to love. I want to die in your arms, but I don't wanna die here, not like this, not now. I don't wanna go to Heaven today. And neither do you. _

_I need you close to me, but not like this._

_I need a hug, not a fight. _

_I wanna see you laugh again. I wanna go on cooking your favorites. I wanna sing with you, for you. _

_Please don't let go of life. Let go of me. _

_We still have so much to go through together, Me and Thee._

_..._

_Okay, you asked for it! Let's take a long dive and let the cold water down there snap you out of it._


	14. The Survivor

**The survivor**

_(A special thanks to Janet for reviewing my stories regularly, and also to Maria and Allie. You and all reviewers are precious, more than you can imagine :D!)_

_*-*-*-__*-*-*-__*-*-*-__*-*-*-__*-*-*-__*-*-*-__*-*-*-__*-*-*-__*-*-*-__*-*-*-__*-*-*-__*-*-*-__*-*-*-__*-*-*-__*-*-*-__*-*-*-__*-*-*-__*-*-*-__*-*-*-__*-*-*-_

They say the climbing is tough! That's bullshit. Forget it!!

The descent is worse, especially right now. Because I'm tumbling down that same hill your car tumbled down it seems like ages ago, leaving you alone, hurt, out of my reach and care.

Don't you do that to me again, Buddy!!

I can see your car upside down as my legs are dragging me to you faster than I ever thought possible and my heart is making a silent prayer to find you alive.

Running has never seemed so painful until this very moment, now that I feel you close, when all I can think of is I'm gonna hold you soon and see those blue eyes again.

I feel like I've grown wings, flying over that steep rocky descent. I won't fall, I know that. Because your soul has been calling me and I will be there in a few seconds.

I can now see your body trapped under that heap of twisted metal you used to call a car.

And within those few seconds, I pray that your body isn't in the same twisted state.

Hang on, partner, we're gonna make it.

I know.

You're a survivor.


	15. Kids will be Kids

**Kids will be kids**

As I watch him play with her, I can't help but feeling a great peaceful glowing in my heart.

He laughs, unaware that I'm savoring this moment.

For that's what I love most about the man. His Caring. This profoundly human side of him, no matter the horrors we have to witness day after day and the fight we have to put up to do our job the best we can.

He's sometimes acting like a child, rarely letting this side of him show. But I've known him long enough. He can play like a child, behave like a spoiled brat, and go for every eccentricity he can find. Even pull my leg with silly jokes at times.

And I wouldn't trade this side of him for all the treasures of the world. If I ever have a kid, I pray to have one like little David in front of me.

Right now, as I'm watching him play with her, I wish I'd feel the same age as he's feeling, as he watches with delight and innocence the little locomotive roll on the circuit.


	16. Death River

**Death River**

_(warning death fic, but not who you think about...)_

* * *

The words are coming slower now, like they have been filtered through a heavy pillow, like I'm ten feet under water and I hardly make anything of it.

His head on my lap, my knees on the ground and my hands on his weary head.

It was not supposed to turn out that way.

He was not supposed to interfere.

He was not supposed to die here.

The only thing I can do now is holding him, waiting for his last breath as he stares at the skies and I stare at his denied future. I'm trying to concentrate on his last words. What is it he is trying to tell?

His head weighs heavier now, although the burden of his unfathomable pain will soon leave him.

I hold my breath, trying to guide him to a quiet journey there.

How can I cope with this last memory of him, meanwhile the scorpio and the frog are finally crossing the Death River?


	17. The hardest thing to tell

**The hardest thing I gotta tell you...**

The body is lying in front of him.

They put the blanket back on her face.

And part of him collapses. He knew her. She was a good person. Even though she had lost it lately, at some point. And now she was dead.

He had known the pain of losing someone dear before. Not so long ago. He had felt his heart split in two when love couldn't find a way to reality and his mental balance could hardly find its way back to normality. He had experienced the sensation of falling into emptiness, with nothing more to hold on to. She had left, but at least she was alive.

And in the end, he had found the comfort of his partner's presence to cope. He had made it through the turmoil of disbelief, pain, rage, and mourning.

How can he face his partner and reverse roles now? He walks down the gentle slope. She is lying behind them. He takes his partner away from the scene.

He now needs to be strong for both of them.

_"Starsk... it's Helen."_


	18. Burning Date

**Burning Date**

_This one relates to "The Trap", what was Starsky thinking when they were about to serve as the main course coming barbecue and Hutch was busy trying to repair the old tractor?_

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

I'm not sure I'm up to it!

Gee, it hurts. First it was just a numb sensation, and then it really started to burn as if those freaks had already set this barn on fire, as if I was another Johnny Bailey.

As I watch Blondie taking care of me, worrying about me, I wonder if all this is worth it. I mean our being here, our job, running after bad guys all the time, being shot occasionally, being hurt more than often.

It's not bleeding as much as before now. But I see it in Hutch's eyes: it's bad enough. I can hardly move and I can feel the fever rising.

I need a doctor... soon. Though I hate the idea.

I guess after that I need to get away from it, only for a while.

I have dragged Hutch in so many of my bluesy moments. Because he is always there for me. He found the formula to get the poison out of my body. He pulled me out of death's grip in that Italian restaurant. He saved me in the nick of time from Marcus's gang of wackos. He managed to save us both from the voodoo spell that almost got both of us killed.

He's always there! At my side, mending my soul when my heart is in pain.

He was there after Helen, Terry, Rosey.

My brother. My savior. My anchor.

I should have pulled out before it was too late, before I got us both trapped in this sinister barbecue plan. I'd run through fire for you, but not this one. This is not our time. We won't be the main course on this one!

Sorry, Buddy, it was my stubbornness which got us in this mess! But I can't think of leaving you behind. I gotta hang on, fight the fever, keep talking to you, show you a strong face, so you won't worry too much and concentrate on that damn antique machine you're working on.

I swear, I'll be more cautious, for I can't stand the idea of being responsible for any harm happening to you again.

You had your share of pain, no need to add some more.

I wish I could lie down and let sleep take hold of me, but that would only create more panic in your heart. I'll fight, with you, for you.

For us.

...

_- __You're not going to forget me, are ya? Our date?_

_- __You're kidding? You're my main reason for living... Schweeet Heart!_

Yeah! I promised that little lady to take her out? When I did, I was not sure of the odds of us making it out of this alive.

...

I changed my mind. No one will say that David Starsky does not stick to his promises.

Yet, the most important one I'm making right now is a silent one, to you, Blondie. You'd be lost without me.

And I'm lost without you.

***


	19. Massacre of Innocence

**Massacre of Innocence**

******SH*******SH*******SH*******SH*******SH*******SH*******SH*******SH*******SH*******SH*******SH*******SH*******SH*******SH*******SH*******SH*******SH*******SH*******SH*****

One look at each other and they knew.

It hit them as bullets.

It would take time to heal the wounds. The pain would never recede from their heart. The fury would not let go of their soul.

They had fought so many times, against evil, against disbelief, even against all odds.

Their heart full of bravery.

Sometimes bare-handed.

Side by side.

But what they were facing today was beyond cruelty, beyond violence; when their eyes met, they exchange a silent oath to put an end to cowardice, to lies.

Innocence was at stake.

Blue eyes meeting blue eyes facing horror together. Heartbeats going faster, holding breath, swallowing unspoken words of remorse and anger. Remorse for not having reacted sooner. Anger rapidly growing and about to tear them apart.

They were both bleeding inside. And for the first time, they felt the same violent urge to hit, hard, fast, once and for all.

Not for glory.

Not for commendation.

For life. Nothing more.

Yet their fight was not an easy one. Even though they both prayed to win and make the silent scream be heard at last.

This time, the bad guy was a woman.

The victim? Her silent child.

...

**SH*****


	20. It's gotta be my fault

**It's gotta be my fault**

_(Warning: tissues need!)_

I'm sorry, Mom. I don't want you to cry. Please don't cry, I will be good, you'll see. I know it's my fault if Dad has gone away. Don't put me in the garbage bin today, I will be a good boy. It's dark and I'm afraid.

I want to make you feel happy. You're so pretty. Why are you mad at me? I wish I was like my sister. You're never mad at her. And when I'm with Dad, I'm so scared too, when he has his angry face. He doesn't hit me. Maybe he doesn't love me anymore?

So I won't tell that you hit me. I don't want the nice policemen to take me away from you. I love you. I want to try real hard to make you feel better. I know you love me, don't you, Mom?

I will hide the marks, I will tell everyone I fell off my bike or down the stairs. They will never know, it will be our secret. Dad asks me if it hurts, but I tell him it's okay. He says bad things about you. And I'm sad.

I love you so, Mom, please, love me too.


	21. Ultimate forgiveness

**The ultimate forgiveness**

_(Warning: some more tissues needed! Can forgiveness go that far? I don't know if I could, if I were the boy having grown into adulthood.)_

_... ... __... ... __... ... __... ... __... ... __... ... __... ... __... ... __... ... __... ... __... ... __... ... __... ... __... ... __... ... __... ... __... ... __... ... __... ... __... ... __... ... _

Hospital called me late in the evening. She is not going to pass the night.

Here I am, looking at her, so frail, shattered by years of silent remorse and prison and rehab'. Her eyes are empty, unable to fire her anger anymore, including at me. Her hands are deformed by blows she refused to let go. Grey hair, dry lips.

I come closer. She looks at me, gathers all what's left of her dying energy, puts a miserable and forgiveness-begging smile on her pallid face.

"I'm sorry." her last word.

"I loved you." my last absolution.


	22. Blind Faith

**Blind Faith**

(It's been a while since I wrote a "soapy scene". Thanks to all of you who have made this series one of my most read ones - aaah, I can see many of you like "soapy scenes" after all - I hope you'll enjy this one too. Thanks so much for your R&R, my daily catalyst)

...

No woman's touch has ever felt so painful and tender, so promising and forgiving all at once.

I can feel the pain through her shivering fingers on my skin. I can feel the rage in her closed eyes as she doesn't even look at me.

I can feel my heart melting in sorrow and guilt as she softly whispers how she's so afraid of what lies ahead.

Her fingertips are reading my body like an open book. Does she get the words deceitfully hidden behind the tears I don't cry? Or the shame I can't express? Or the wish I have she will make it out of the night? Or even the silent prayer I make to be forgiven somehow?

Because I am guilty.

I hurt her.

And I am a thief.

I stole sweet images from her that we never shared, the ones my camera used as a safe-conduct to penetrate her ivory tower, the ones I preciously keep to remind me how her beauty has shattered my belief. Am I doing the right thing with my life right now?

Please, open you eyes and take a deep look into my soul. I'm ready to take any blame expression from you. I'm only longing for one forgiving smile, when your eyes meet mine.

Lean on me for now, let me guide you out of your tunnel. Can you hear the smiling thought I plastered on my face as I fill my eyes with your gentleness, that same gentle behavior you try to hide behind that semblance of bravery?

Let me be your eyes.

Let me atone for the pain I caused.

Let me stay by your side and try to be myself again, sure of myself, ready to face any future.

Whatever it holds for us.


	23. Nothing but Water

**Nothing but water**

_Written for a drabble challenge fitting both themes of "water" and the epi "shootout"._

_POV of various characters. It's up to you to guess who's saying what._

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

She holds back tears of guilt: the wrong one may die tonight.

He wishes he could hide the fever on his face, not to worry his partner.

She's dripping all over, in the street, and waits for her companion to come back and take her home.

He holds the tears inside; death could take the one who matters so much to him.

She sheds tears of thankfullness for the love she received from a desperate clown.

The skies are crying a heavy rain, hard enough to wash the slime and cool the fever.

After midnight, all will be washed away.


	24. Game, set and snatch

**Game, set and snatch**

_(Beta-read by Provence: thank you so much for your precious remarks and encouragements)  
-_

"_Close, but no cigar!"_

Oh shit, and I don't even smoke!

For Heaven's sake, Man, I hate it when you play stubborn. Come back to us, show your ass, Buddy, your life depends on it, or this will be your very last theatrical performance!

Shit! Why did we start this, why didn't I insist on hiding instead of him? At least, now, he would be surrounded, comforted, taken care of.

Instead, he is the one out there alone, playing knight-errant, with that nasty poison in his veins. And I'm the one putting my back into this to save his butt!

Please, Blondie, listen to us, just this once, snap out of your act, you won't get an Oscar for this! Only my eternal gratitude for not leaving me behind.

This is a nightmare in broad daylight. How do you want me to wake up from this? I need to see those pretty blue eyes of yours, even if they grant me an ironic winning smile. I can take it. I will take it, I swear! I'll even concede victory, ok, happy? There, you won!

I can't focus on any other face around me because all I can see in my worried mind is your own face and that golden glow around those big pools of blue, and nothing else. Even Huggy is just a dark blur and an echo, even Dobey does not manage to fill in the scope of what looks like a vast desert of sorrow to me. I don't want to focus on anything else, not even that old man putting his dirty hands on my shining Torino.

I'm running fast, as if the Devil himself were on _my_ tail, even though it's clear he's running after you. All I wanna see is a tiny glimmer of hope at the end of our tunnel, and get hold of you before you reach there first.

From now on, no more criticism of my diet! Look where yours got you! How can you drink that, cold, out of those lousy cans? No flavor. No spice. Yuk: next time we eat together, I'll fill your mouth with some hot spicy meat and wine and candy bars and everything you call junk food and you'll tell me about feeling alive! And I will fill your heart with comfort and perhaps your soul with one rebuke or two!

I'm hungry for your presence. I'm worried sick and lost and angry all at once. Prepare for one hell of a reunion, Buddy! You asked for it and you have no idea how mad I can get when it's aimed at you, you big dumb...! Don't you know I love you, big Lummox?

_I see nothing but a blur, shadows, people moving around, distant reflections, reaching out for me.  
__Starsk, is that you? It hurts, Buddy, it hurts so much that I'm afraid I 'm gonna die here before admitting this was a stupid game after all.  
I'm sorry.  
I miss you.  
I can't even send a thought to you as I used to, because I'm so exhausted.  
I can feel what's left of my will draining away.  
I feel lousy, dusty, sick, and most of all so lonely._

_The only thing which keeps me holding on is a tiny glimmer of hope at the end of my tunnel. I hope you'll find me before I reach there first.  
_


	25. No more games

**No more games**

Hutch POV in "Partners" epi. Set at night in hospital after the crash. (BR by Provence :D)

P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P*

I'm cold. Inside.

I don't know how to set myself free from this trap I put us into.

Will you forgive me when you hear the truth? Will you still be my partner? Will you respect me in the morning?

Damn chase!

It's the only way I found to make you understand I care for you in my own clumsy way. I'm so relieved we got out of this alive and relatively unhurt. Yet what hurts me most right now is not the pain in my body; it's the bruise in my heart when I see the sadness in your eyes as you believe you've lost me.

I can't find a proper way to tell you I'm sorry, Buddy, for lying to you and playing this stupid comedy.

They say your whole life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die. And now, it hurts me more to hear you go through those cruel moments of our lives when we were there for each other and saved our mutual butts.

It finally hit me: that's what our life is all about: LOVE!

And trust! Because you're up digging all those memories we shared and launching them as messages in a bottle in my sea of solitude.

For the last few hours, I desperately wanted to reach out for you. You're the one to be comforted. Not me!

I feel you breathing next to me, unable to sleep. I can't sleep either and all I want is dive into your forgiving arms and even see a mischievous smile in your eyes.

I felt so miserable when I saw your reaction when you suddenly faced that complete stranger.

You didn't lose me; I almost lost you.

Trust me on this. I swear I'll never play such silly games with you.

Never again, Partner!

P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P*

(Wanna bet?)


	26. One last memory

**One last memory**

Starsky POV in "Partners" epi. Set after the crash in hospital at night. (BR by Provence :D)

P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P*

Gee, talk about a series of shocks!

As if losing control of the Torino was not enough to hurt my pride – and incidentally my body – I woke up alone in here, next to an empty bed. I started to panic like hell until a nurse came to my rescue and told me you were alive.

And then, on top of that, the ultimate verdict crucifies me: you're amnesic!

Shit! I feel like crap right now. This can't be true!

There is no way to know whether you'll wake up and come back to me. Please, Blondie, don't tell me I did this to you! That there won't be a "Me and Thee" anymore. That my heart will have to go on alone. You're just a couple of inches away and it seems like a million miles!

I'm trying to recount all those moments which made a difference, which turned us into what we are for each other, hoping there will be a click in your head and you'll find your way back to me, to you, to us.

The more I try to get closer, the more I feel you slipping from the hug I'm dying to give you.

You sound so cold on the outside.

I'm freezing inside.

Hey, I got an idea! Why don't I try to evoke funny moments we shared, instead of telling stories about the adventures we went through?

Let's see... which one could I start with?

Got it! Our monopoly games, perhaps? You couldn't have forgotten about THAT!

P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P* - SH - P*

(And the curtain falls ;-)


	27. Message out of the bottle

**Message out of the bottle**

(episode: "The Plague", Judith POV)

As she watched him draw the first letter on the glass from a place where he couldn't spot her, she couldn't help but wondering which thoughts were nesting in his mind. She saw a lot of mixed emotions in his eyes, the most intense one was determination. His hand was almost caressing the window as the red greasy substance slowly turned into a delicate yet giant "S".

And suddenly, she made it out.

Those two were special. Even more than she could have imagined.

Ar first, they had seemed like a couple of funny guys, teasing everything passing by and wearing a skirt.

When the "T", took shape, she felt her heart crushed by a deep sensation of sadness. The words which she thought of but could not utter were "terrible torture".

Because it had been a real torture to announce to one f them he was next on the list of potential victims.

She took a deep breath, trying to contain the overwhelming agony spreading across her chest when he methodically wrote the "A".

The blond detective had reacted with so much dignity and perhaps a touch of resignation! However, she was now dedicating every hour, every minute to this case.

The "R" soon followed, reminding her how revolted she had been when her patient asked to have a look at the "monster" on the photo. That impossible equation she was trying to solve. If there hadn't been any glass between them, she knew she would have most certainly given in to one single embrace, to comfort him.

Another "S" slowly appeared on the window. She felt dizzy, nauseous. She wanted to scream, she needed to let it all out, yet she managed to contain her rage.

In a few hours, the one behind the glass would start a fever, and perhaps see "stars" in the midst of his blurring agony.

The writer on this side of the glass manipulated the little tube and some more red emerged. She did not mind, on the contrary.

He was not done.

Her patient was not gone.

She had not won.

Yet!

But she knew!

That very last letter was drawn with utmost care and immediately she saw it as an anchor, of fight, hope, safety.

The six letters were not identical in size, which could have translated the emotional turmoil of the writer, but they were red. Red as blood! Red as the aura around the writer. Red as the color of his cheeks when he was running against time. Red as the hell they both refused to let themselves drown in.

She understood with so much power that these letters would be imprinted on her lips whenever she would put on some make up from now on. Because this was not make belief. She'd remember those precious letters for ever.

6 letters for life.

6 letters of pure love!


	28. Lights go down

**Lights go down**

(episode: "Vendetta", what went through Hutch's head during those minutes he was alone with "the monster")  
-

What am I supposed to do now?

Now that we found him. Now this murderous attacks are over.

I'm sitting here and I watch him. He's nothing but a shadow, curled up in a dying spot of light.

I almost lost the one I love. But he has lost more than that. As he is letting out an almost childlike moan, all I can see is a human being who lost his sanity, as he finally shows a bit of fragile humanity.

He looks weak. But he's not looking at anything.

Dark shadows have engulfed him once and for all in a long dark tunnel.

We find some light at the end of ours.

He did not.

How can anyone forgive what he has done? How can we comprehend this brutality? Dammit, how can we now punish the one who dragged him into this atrocity?

He's calling for help.

I'm here.

Silent.

He feels my presence and somehow he gets reassured.

What now?

Sometimes, being a cop and catching the bad guys doesn't make me feel so good.


	29. Touch and Stay

_(Dear All, my internet connexion collapsed at home, so it may be a little while before I post again, most probably a couple of weeks, no more I hope. But be sure I go on writing more of these for you as well as my longer story. Thanks for being there and reviewing on a regular basis. You all make my day :D!)_

_/_

**Touch and stay**

I'm sitting in this chair, hour after hour, turning the pages of magazines that I don't read. I only look at the pictures.

I prepare coffee that I don't drink. I don't need that to stay awake, alert, ready.

I listen to the sound of her troubled sleep. I look at her face, relaxed at last.

And I remember.

_I'm 14. I'm shy. I shiver all over every time she shows up._

_Because she is my daily divine apparition. The way she walks, the way she talks, her long hair cascading down her shoulders and her back, her innocently seductive smile on her glossy lips... I'm hooked. Every detail of her makes me nuts and I wanna run off, far, fast. Because I feel too clumsy to approach her. Because she is my teenage dream goddess._

_One look from her and I will surely fly to heaven._

_One imperceptible touch and I will shrivel and disappear in a light cloud of pure pleasure._

_It will never happen. My body hurts from the lack of her in my world._

_It's not fair. I think I love her. I think..._

_Or else what are these thrills in my belly each time I lay my eyes on her. Why do my hands shake so much that I have to stick 'em in my jeans pockets so no one will notice? Why do I feel a cold sweat running along my spine and a fever chewing my guts?_

_I will never dare to talk to her. Yet my heart is crying... no, shouting in despair. Please listen to me, see me, hold me. Just once. So that I know that I exist._

_Then I hear..._

The terrifying cry coming from her soul and I rush to the bedroom.

She is afraid. Lost. Shivering. She is so scared to touch me. But I will not shrivel and go away.

Hold on, Sharmane, I'm right here, I'm real.

I'm a man now and part of me is still shivering down deep inside. Part of me still loves you like that clumsy boy did so many years ago.

I finally manage to touch you. I will use all the precious memories I have of you to guide you back where you belong. To a world of beauty, your inner one, to start with.

I'll make you understand you deserve to be loved.

But not like this. I've waited for so long, I can wait a bit more. Take all the time you need.

I'm holding you. You're safe now.

Hold on to life.

/


	30. Very Close Protection

**Very close protection**

_Duty is duty ;-)_

She made the first step.  
More like the first pirouette.  
We ended up lying on the floor, face to face, hand in hand.  
I'm drowning in a pool of blue eyes.  
What's with me? I should know better.  
She's young, blonde and fragile.  
I've got a job to do here.  
I swear that's all I want to do. Put my body between her and harm.  
She's soft, she's tender, she's tempting me.  
My head's clear. My heart isn't.  
She's elegant, she's refined, she's persuasive.  
She's worth guarding for sure.  
And I'm going to do this by the book!

My book!


	31. Spotted

**Spotted**

_(Guess who's speaking?)_

_._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.

I came here for a reason.

To save them.

That's why I hang around almost every place they go. Sending imperceptible messages to help them avoid bullets.

Showing my pretty face here and there, at the right place, and the right time.

I know now one of them has spotted me. We exchanged looks. But I had to run away. I could not interfere. How could I?

The other one hasn't seen me yet. He is too focused, fast and running. Wait... this time, he saw me! C'mon, one more run and you're both off the bad running tracks!

Here I am now, both of them hugging me tight.

Mission accomplished!

Perhaps I could go on spotting bad "blows" before they're hit. Protect them.

Perhaps the tall one could even adopt me?

_._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.

So, who's the speaker _*wink*_?


	32. Walking Hope

**Walking hope**

Who says we are supposed to return that money?

Playing fake suddenly becomes playing for life.

What I feel right now may not lead to a long-term relationship but one thing is certain: I have found the way to help her through this battle for hope.

Look at her. The little one! It hits me like a bang on the head that this little girl justifies the small infringement to the Book I'm about to propose to Hutch. Already knowing he will concur one hundred percent.

One said that paying your debts makes you wealthier.

I'll sign to that.

With both hands!


	33. Shining all right

**Shining all right**

_(Guess who's gonna regret this tomorrow?)_

_"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*_

This is just peachy.

Almost as secure as my mother's lap when I was a little boy.

Except right now, I'm a grown-up and I'm comfortably slumped on yours, cuddling against you, Blondie.

I'm not sure where I am, or who I am. But I know one thing for sure: I know **how** I am: I'm fine. More than fine!

The moon shines in my head.

I hardly feel my body.

...

Kinda floating on a red and white cloud of happiness.

...

"_Can you make it?"_

"_Make what?"_

"_Good."_

Yeaaaah, sooo good!

Ouch, my eyes! No flash, no picture, please! We are undercover, here. Deep down, under!

Funny feeling.

Floating so high above and diving into total relaxation, knowing you'll catch me if I fall.

...

"_Slide over."_

Sure! Why not? I'm sliding all right, on great waves of fire, softly landing on your lap like dying waves on warm sand.

...

Vertigo...

Holding on to black buoys.

What?

Ah yes... shoes. My dancing shoes.

Geez, I'm gonna be a star tonight. I will dance like my feet are never gonna touch the floor.

…

"_Starsk, wake up. Here. Drink this."_

"_Wot... is it?"_

"_Black coffee, double."_

…

We went through some hangovers, but this one does it! My head is spinning, my body is hot like I've been swimming in lava.

"_I think I'm gonna be sick!"_

"_NOOOO! Not in your car!"_

_"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*_


	34. No Salvation

**No salvation**

I can't eat. I don't sleep. And I won't heal.

Today I understand the pain you've been going through trying to get over the withdrawal.

But I don't wanna be cured.

Remorse crushes my heart. Fear flows in my veins.

I'm so addicted that even running like the devil's on my tail won't help. My lungs are burning. I'm shaking, trembling, shivering... I still want more.

You can try to save me from my sweet hell. I doubt you'll succeed.

I'm too deep into this. That's my punishment for cheating in the first place.

I'm in love with Rosey Malone.


End file.
